this is the worst job assessment i've ever taken

Some dipshit decided to pay the conference fee ($250) in quarters. He handed us a wrapped plastic bag full of loose change. "It's all there," he said with a shit-eating grin, "you can count it."

Oh buddy. We're going to count it. What were you expecting?

At about the time I got to $60, he offered to give us $300 collateral so he could get his badge and go to the conference.

No, bud. You get to watch the most dyscalculic staffer count to a thousand while all your friends go in to the breakfast and find seats for the first talk.

"Ruining someone's day" is the favorite hobby of everyone here. Why would you hand us the perfect opportunity to wreck your shit and think that was an own? Half the con is calling him "Untraceable," the other half is calling him "Quarter Boy" and nobody cares what he says his handle is.

I spent an hour counting that and made him go fetch me baggies to hold it every fifty dollars.

This ended up being a good bonus prank for me too, because when the counting was done I wrapped the bags in gaffer's tape and spent the rest of the day handing it to people very casually while saying "oh here, hold this for a sec" and then watching they weren't ready for the weight (I only did this to people I know well enough to know this wouldn't hurt them).

It's an infosec conference, so it's a weekend in a hotel full of people whose favorite thing is breaking the law and whose second favorite thing is following the letter of the law while cheerfully violating the spirit.

Thank you, that means a lot coming from you, @unyanizedcatboys

They're calling him 'untraceable' because he was hanging out at a hackerspace and talking about how he didn't want to pre-register for the con because that could be traced back to his real name, so he was going to pay cash. Then someone else was like "bills are serialized, if you really wanted to be untraceable you'd pay with dollar coins like Redacted did a couple years ago," and Quarter Boy was like "I have an even BETTER idea. I'm going to double down for the meme potential," and then put a note in his bag of quarters that said "Blame Redacted, I had to beat his high score," so this wasn't even an *original* troll. He wanted to be a legend and instead became a cautionary tale. He wanted to get laughs and instead he got laughed at. He wanted everyone at the con to know who he was, and now everybody knows he's Quarter Boy.

Legitimately I don't have any idea why he thought this was a funny joke that would make him look good, and there are very few things you could do that would draw more ire from attendees than inconveniencing the volunteer convention staff during the registration rush when everyone just wants to get through the line (and in spite of diverting me to counting quarters and loudly explaining the reason for the delay to the massive line, we managed to get 150 attendees checked in over the course of 25 minutes while ALSO selling 50 shirts).

And I mean. Of course we could have put him aside and counted the quarters later, but then fewer people would have witnessed the legend of Quarter Boy, the untraceable hacker who realized exactly how much he'd fucked up about four minutes into hearing us answer "what's with the quarters?" with "some asshole thought it would be funny" over and over and over again.

You know what *was* a good joke this convention? One guy made stickers that were almost-but-not-quite exactly the logo for a hackerspace (one letter off) and stuck them all over the convention area, prompting outrage and a spur-of-the-moment Easter egg hunt from the hackerspace guys that escalated until he was covering their logo on their merch with his stickers and was using sleight-of-hand tricks to sneak his stickers into their pockets and bags.